Sunday, 5 May 2013

Field Study's Man in E17 talked to the apple trees but did they talk to him?

Malus domestica - Ashmead's Kernel.
4th May 2013.

Field Study's Man in E17 is a florophiliac and is promiscuous with his affections towards the fruitfully florid and so springtime in the allotment/forest garden can be a particularly intense period of unrequited adoration of blossoming plant genera. If you had been near here - 51.6310° N, 0.0160° E - this evening, you might, as I did, have found him whispering to some apple trees at the bottom of the forest garden. I cleared my throat to interrupt his rather peculiar behaviour about the trees. When he turned around surprised his cheeks were only a slightly less vivid hue of magenta as the flowers he was whispering to. "Sweet nothings, Field Study's Man?" I joked. The field student claimed he had been counselling the two Ashmead's Kernel apple trees. The fact that he was just talking to the trees, let alone 'counselling' them, seemed to be of little consequence or concern to him. I tried to convince the field student that, while he can indeed talk to trees, trees are not going to talk back to him. "Get real!" I implored.

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one," the field student replied, quoting Albert Einstein.

I decided to indulge in the delusional botanical peccadilloes of the field student and inquired as to the content of his communication with the apple trees. He was reluctant to disclose any details, declaring client confidentiality. I reminded him he resides in my cranium and I also tried to reassure him I would not disclose (and so violate) the confidence. Quite rightly he did not believe me - well, almost. He really does lack the ethical vigour or discipline to keep a secret or confidence. Predictably the field student violated the confidentiality and so will I in telling you, 'Field Study's Man in E17' told me the Ashmead's Kernel trees are a little hung up about being considered 'drab'.

The field student as psycho-arboreal-analyst, cognitive behavioural therapy for fruit trees. The anthropo-aborist explained the great dilemma of his work, that he wants to tell the trees how much he loves them, how beautiful he thinks they are - yet to do so would compromise the therapy. His role is to listen and say only that which prompts the subject into finding their own answers and judgements in as many positive or constructive ways as are possible.

Beside us the trees hummed as numerous bumble bees, enticed  by constellations of sepals and petals, delicately made their way about the clusters of stamina (stamen) and pistils in their search for ambrosial nectar. "You see, or rather, you hear, the trees are talking to you!" said the field student.

"I don't think I buy this anthropo-arboreal gibberish," I replied and pretentiously added a quote from Soren Kierkagaard,

'Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced.'

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